TUESDAY, APRIL 7th
2:48AM - So you're drunk and you're on a beach at night and the moon is shining down and the stars are moving and you're seeing everything with a fisheye lens and everything else is muffled and the air is warm and you feel a heat throughout your chest and you think that maybe things aren't going as bad as they could be.
10:17AM - Pia and I are in a restaurant about 30 seconds away from our hostel. I can see a straight line down the road where you can see our hostel and the ocean in the distance. I am in agony. Sleeping on the shitty cot makes me sleep funny. Pulled a muscle or folded a lung or something. Moving my left arm is a shitty experience. I want to get away and go to the beach. Pia and I not talking. Out of things to say. Pia looks nice in her sundress. I look like an unshaven dirtbag.
11:02AM - Ditched Alex and Pia and went to the beach. Moving from my spot is a cardinal sin. Everyone is in some sort of agony. Pia and Alex have upset stomachs, everyone else is hungover, and I have my pulled my muscle. I'm fine though, other than the hurt. Pia's cousins are amazingly friendly and great. Last night they took me off the hostel balcony - where I was waiting for Pia and Alex - and got me out and about. Treated me like their own which is really nice of them. They invited me to Diego's birthday party in Puerto Vallarta. Pia and Alex said they wouldn't be going because it costs too much money. I want to save my money but I don't want to be here with just those two. They're officially in their own romantic world, which sort of half-sucks. It just sort of limits my things to do options a little bit. Fuck it, I'm on the beach. I'm gonna beach it and not be a total beach about things.
11:44AM - Free margarita courtesy of one of the beachside restaurants. This is not the earliest I've had booze but this is definitely the strongest. Lunch today will be a personal affair, I think. Still considering the pros and cons of the birthday party.
2:34PM - Went swimming with some huge waves. Lost my sunglasses to the ocean. My face and ears are burnt really badly. Had great, gorgeous, very filling lunch at an outdoor restaurant. Pia and Alex are nowhere to be found.
5:01PM - Alex and Pia bumped into me right as everyone was going their separate ways. I've decided to do the birthday party, as are Pia and Alex. I'm going to get super drunk and super fucked up because my mood calls for it. Got the room key from Pia. Nice to have the room to myself for once. I've barely been in it because of the couple. Quiet, empty, comforting. I'm going to get my shower on. Dance dance dance. Hit that shit. Get drunk get crunk get fucked up.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8th
1:54AM - Party was completely off the fucking hook, yo. Enough drinks to go around. Went to "Zoo" which was the one we were supposed to go to the other night. Pretty bitching, even if it was one of the ugliest places I've ever been in. Great music, big but not dumb. I completely made out - and then some - with a 46 year old single mother of two. Kimberley from Seattle. She looked like Katherine Heigl. I think. Her sons are older than me. She kept telling me that she was super-wet, which was super fucked up. Almost got into a fight with one of her friends - I called him "Dad" cause he scolded me and because he was old. He didn't look too happy at that. Serves him right. He was married and putting moves on Kimberley's friends, he should be fucking ashamed of himself. I might be a big asshole for the things I do but that sort of shit is in it's own stupid little category. Everyone's kind of pissed though. At Alex and Pia, not at my adventures. They weren't being sociable the past few days and it was put on me to tell them about "being a family" and so on. I tried to bring it up on the ride home from the club. I tried my best - I guess - to be nice and diplomatic and stuff but I don't know. Maybe I'm down on it because I forgot to take my meds today and my glasses got all fucked up at the club. But come on. I came here - as did Diego, Valentina, etc. - to see Pia and that's not really happening these days.
11:01AM - A jetliner made out of Bacardi is peeling out of my brain. I'm trying to treat it with a two-litre jug of Sunny D and water. I'm on the beach, leaning against a rock. I'm alone. Pia not at the hostel when I woke up. Alex still asleep. After the grumpiness of last night Pia could be anywhere. Maybe I'll be abandoned here. That would be nice. "Lover I Don't Have to Love" on my iPod. Makes me think about last night.
2:02PM - Everyone together. We're all drinking from a 40. Classy. Relaxing with some Jack Johnson surf-rock playing quietly. My toes are dug into the sand. Pia seems okay. I want tacos.
4:36PM - Pia's parents came from the Grand Mayan and treated us to lunch, which was very nice of them. Had garlic fish - fresh from the ocean too - and it was stunning. Puffy clouds roll by as the beers go down.
6:35PM - I needed some alone time, time to get my shit together. Quite hypocritical of me since Pia and Alex got chastised for basically the same thing. Two stray dogs were fighting in the hostel lobby. Scottish terrier was winning, of course. Sand is everywhere, a constant thing.
7:22PM - My long shower and the wistful Spanish music coming from a cafe has me feel tired and worn out. I have to meet up with people though, and these moments on the patio are delaying the inevitable. The air smells like BBQ and the sun's setting in gold and light blue. I want summer to come. Pia and I have barely talked all day.
THURSDAY, APRIL 9th
2:42AM - Drunken Pictionary and charades with all the folks. A reasonable send off for the cousins who leave tomorrow. They were good company. I've seen them more this trip than I've seen Pia. A little harsh sounding, but yeah. I should just resign myself to the fact there won't be much more of Pia on this trip. It was my original thought that I would be three wheelin' and it's true despite her semi-valient efforts. But hey, I've had some good alone times, as this journal would indicate quite clearly. It's just...blah blah blah. I'm so full of shit sometimes. Who honestly gives a fuck about this ass garbage? If you think about it, the only person you can count on is you. And when I put on a little bit of self-respect I don't need my hand held during the fun-time of things. When I wake up tomorrow, it'll be something brand new. It's goodbye Sayulita and back to the Grand Mayan for endless sun and fun. Although if you remove the angst, I'm already having endless fun and sun I suppose. Yeah, I'm in a good spot right now. I should just shut the fuck up already.
12:00PM - I slept like a baby and packed and I'm ready to go. I'm going to the Farmacia across the street for a soda or something.
5:10PM - Back at the Grand Mayan. Had a cheeseburger for lunch after a trying time at the grocery store. Some sort of weird teen drama on TV. Alex and Pia being a couple on the balcony. Pia invited me out there with them but nah. Man this teen drama is totally awesome. Man, I gotta get out of this hotel room. Man I need some fucking Wendy's. Man, I need my family nearby. Man...manana.
8:33PM - The sun is giving it's last gasp and it's getting cooler too. The group of three went to the pools to get our swim on. I was hopeful it would be back to good times with the two like back in Irapuato but no dice. Were we a good team beforehand? I don't know. I thought I could be happy and let it slip but no. I can't let them go and be like "they can do stuff on their own it's cool" because at the end of the day I know I'm lying to myself and I can't live like that. So while Pia and Alex were doing that thing that couples do in pools - you know, when they float in the water, dude leaning against wall, girl wrapped around him planting kisses - I ditched them. Straight up got out of the pool and came back to the room and to the warmth of Pia's mom and family. Changed, dried, all of that. I make it sound like such a grand gesture but I'm pretty sure it went completely unnoticed. That's a good summary of my life, actually. Grand Gestures Completely Unnoticed. Album title city right there!
4.30.2009
4.22.2009
Mexico 2009 - Two - Hilarious and Terrible At The Same Time
FRIDAY, APRIL 3rd
2:17AM - Holy shit I am super drunk. 9 beers. Danced with girls from Guanajuato. Left Pia and Alex alone. My ears are ringing. Shitty Mexican salsa music but I danced to it anyway. Pia and Alex fucking in his car, good for them. Drunk enough to not care. Can't focus. Sweaty and tired. Splash my face with cold water.
8:08AM - I puked everywhere. On the bed, my notebook, my pen, the floor. Mission accomplished. Still a little drunk. 9 Coronas in 45 minutes, I seem to remember. Woke up covered in vomit. Still wearing all my clothes including my shoes. Hungry.
9:34AM - Bought Starbucks and a new notebook to replace my vomit covered one. Was going to transcribe my notes but I'm all like "fuck that" right now because that shit's boring as hell to do. So I'll keep the barfy one for now.
10:44AM - Did someone say Moby Dick? Cause this white whale is going swimming. Pia is busy being busy.
1:33PM - Swimming was totally awesome. God, I love swimming. Gonna take it up when I get back. Worked on my tan like a cool dude. My notebook reeks of vomit but I can't do or say anything about it.
2:03PM - Finished "The Road". Really good read - depressing and bleak and without any hope at all. Goddammit, I have to wash my hands everytime I use this notebook.
2:15PM - I switched notebooks to my new one. The vomited one is wrapped in a plastic bag and stowed away for later pickup. Like a biohazard or evidence in a murder trial.
2:38PM - So Pia is doing stuff. No one else is home. Things are quiet. I'm packed and ready for the beach trip. Apologized to the maid - yes, the Ferraris have a maid on top of everything else - about the vomit. I went "Perdon!" and pointed to the floor while making a swig motion with my other hand and my mouth. She just laughed. Nothing to do right now. Want to reflect on my trip so far but I'll save that for the beach. Will try to listen to my iPod and piece together last night.
4:43PM - Pia's getting waxed and somehow her mom roped me into going with her. Sounds weirder than it actually is. Just to clarify, I'm just chaperoning. No waxing for this dude. I think it's out of boredom more than anything. Waiting around for a waxing isn't exactly high on my life's to-do list. I think Pia is complaining to Alex that I'm coming to the waxing. I can hear the stupid walkie-talkie cellphones and Alex's dulcit tones through the doors. Yeah, this is going to be Tony-the-Tiger levels of GRRRRREAT. Sarcasm duly noted?
9:23PM - I feel like shrapnel has been shot into my chest. Little pieces of metal and glass burning through to my lungs. I'm pretty fucking furious. Pia and I went to the mall, so she could shop for the trip. She basically told me that she could do it alone and that I could walk around the mall for a couple of hours while she got it done. About an hour later I see her hanging out with Alex. I'm totally pissed off, not because of jealousy, but because of the total fucking waste of time it's been. If she didn't want me there, she could have said so! Instead of tooling around a shitty mall, not doing or buying anything, I could have stayed at her house. Gone swimming, read, checked email, shave. Any little fucking thing! And it just goes to show you, in all fairness and honesty, Pia doesn't really want me here or the novelty of having me here has worn off. It sucks. I keep getting trapped into doing things for her - filming here, storage there - and for my troubles? Not a whole lot, I guess. While she makes moony eyes at Alex I have to keep telling store owners "No hable espanol" over and over and over and over again to disappointed looks of betrayal and annoyance. Definitely getting the shit end of the stick here. I never thought I'd write the word "pariah" but there you go. If I could go home tonight, I would. But I can't. I'm going to be sharing a small room with them for five days in a shanty town somewhere on the coast. I have to get out of this somehow.
11:07PM - I know it's selfish of me, but I really thought this trip would, you know, be at least a little bit about me. I thought it would be me and Pia up to our old hijinks but no, not really. I feel like a 240-pound backpack no one wants to carry. I plan on spending as little time with Pia as possible for the remainder of my trip.
SATURDAY, APRIL 4th
7:50AM - I think about last night and I wonder when I became such an asshole. It feels like it just happened overnight or something. I seem to remember being bright and friendly at one point in my life. Maybe I never was. That would be the absolute worst. Being born a total cunt, my fate as a dick signed, sealed and unstoppable since I was yanked from that warm and comfortable womb. I'll apologize to Pia when she breaks from hibernation. I was kind of a grump last night.
8:15AM - Pia doesn't really know the meaning of "packing light", it seems. I have a shoulder bag and half-a-suitcase. She has a suitcase, backpack, some sort of bowling bag, and a laptop bag all filled to the brim. She couldn't carry the suitcase so I had to do it. I know she's "a girl" but it's only five days and we'll be on the beach the whole time. And now she's coming down the stairs with another backpack. This could be hilarious and terrible at the same time.
1:19PM - In Guadalajara. Ugly. For tourists who really don't know any better, not that I'm that great of a tourist. Strip clubs here are the biggest buildings. The ads for the strip clubs are the biggest billboards in town.
7ishPM - Ten hours. It took ten fucking hours to reach our destination. I wish people would tell me these things. We drove through flat desert, winding mountains, and what amounted to Mexico's jungle. I even dealt with eating shitty fucking McDonald's in a country that can't get it right and with a chip on my shoulder from working there. And where do I end up? At the nicest, most ritzy resort I've ever been in. The Grand Mayan. Never in my wildest McDonald's-slinging dreams would I ever figure I'd ever even be allowed to enter a place like this. I'm on the beach, watching the sunset. It's quiet. It's calming. I can smell the ocean for what seems like the first time in forever. It's just the right temperature outside. Yes, I've had a complete mood change. It was just the thing I needed, something I can really get behind. I feel at home - right at fucking home! - with the sand and the surf. The fat drunken Americans, honeymooning couples, bored teenagers, and cute ladies. I could give all the love in the world to everyone. Even Alex and Pia. I apologized for my grumpy attitude from the night before. Cited general loneliness and blahness for it. I left them in the room. I needed to look around on my own. I needed to know where I stood with things. I figure that in terms of both my animosity and my "romantic" feelings for Pia - a strange Gemini quality I keep with me - is that it's dead. It's floating in a motel pool, face down. Dead and gone. There's still that broken, beaten, downtrodden motel employee using the leaf net to fish the body out, but he knows its a futile exercise. But fuck that shit. I'm letting the tide run over my feet.
9:28PM - Showered, changed, fed. I feel like magic.
9:44PM - Tonight is a Saturday, at it seems quieter than normal. There's rumors of going to a club or to a bar or something but no one tells me shit so what do I know? Pia is quiet and distant on the patio. Alex is sleeping in front of the TV. Actually, Pia's cousins are coming. Looks like it's going to be a good old-fashioned throw down. Am I gonna pick it up though? Probably not. I dunno. My head feels empty, like all the clutter has been washed out. I'm drinking beer that comes pre-made with the lime and the salt in it already. It's refreshing, if not the tastiest. What else is happening? Not too much, I guess. When Pia's cousins show up I'll feel out of place, of course, but that's nothing new. I guess I have a reasonable haircut and reasonable clothes, and I'm looking and feeling reasonable enough. Things are reasonable then.
SUNDAY, APRIL 5th
4:34AM - More drunk talk with Pia, alone on the balcony. I think we both said too many things and admitted too many things. Mine was a little bit more awkward though, I guess. Not the best drunk talk ever. Beautiful spot though. Everyone ridiculously drunk - from the cousins to Alex to me. Spanish easier to understand when you're blasted. We were too drunk to go to the club though. Stood around in the big fancy lobby next to a piano arguing about what to do. Great fun. Made friends with the dude I thought I wouldn't. He's total alpha male - Halo playing, pussy pounding, you know - but he's fucking hilarious. Good dude, no pretentions. All the couples are sleeping or fucking right now. I'm out on the patio, doing neither, of course. Riding out my buzz. I want to jump off the balcony. Not to die, but to fly. Sayulita tomorrow, I think. Small town, in a hostel. Beach and sun as far as the eye can see. Need it. Pia said her goal is to get me laid. Good luck, she'll need it. Despite the easiest solution. I want to stay at the resort. There's a lot of lonely souls I want to meet. Saw a lady alone, carrying a book to the beach. She looked lost, like she was jilted at the altar and she's using up her honeymoon points. I could be her friend, at least for a little while. Alright, I'm fucking drunk. Let's sleep. Snore snore snore.
10:18AM - Hungover. Spanish Spongebob on TV. Pia's cousin is gorgeous and walking around in skimpy underwear, mumbling in Spanish. I've woken up in a David Lynch film.
10:44AM - Another day in paradise, I suppose. I'm outside on the patio. Sun, sea smell, mountains. People doing their morning jogging routine the arrogant, healthy fuckers. There's something about a group hangover that really bonds everyone together. I'm antsy, I want to get moving. Somewhere, anywhere. Maybe we'll all go to the beach. I'm still not tanned enough. I need to piss but I'm afraid to use the bathroom in case I hear Alex and Pia going at it. Too early for that shit. I'm hungry.
11:50AM - Cold pop tarts and Diet Dr. Pepper. Breakfast of champions.
12:53PM - On the beach, in the blinding sun. Totally free, feeling magical. Everyone else is off doing couples' stuff. Wouldn't have it any other way. I love the quiet.
1:51PM - Beach volleyball. I am totally blessed. I quite like the idea of being a beach bum. Like Oliver Twist in better weather. Glamorous.
2:09PM - It's time to get down with the get down. I won't be here forever. In a week I'm gone and far away, back to Canada. Flipping burgers and surviving on cynicism and apathy. I want it to change - honest! I really do. I want to get a real job and go back to school and fall in love and have hope and be the best I can be and lose weight and make a difference and be a better person and be drink free and all the great things in the world. That's a lot to accomplish for any person and it's a wonder if I can pull any of it off. Part of me wants to shrug and say "fuck it, who gives a shit" but the other part - the sensible part - slaps me in the face and says go for it. Whatever.
4:24PM - Some lowdown, rotten, dirty snake stole Camilla's purse. 5000 pesos, cameras, iPods, everything is goon. Honestly, of all the dick moves in the world. Everything else - Pia's stuff, my stuff - was left behind for some reason. I'm waiting in the lobby because my lack of Spanish can only hinder the investigative process. Bad news plus the need to take my anti-depressants equals Grumpy Craig. The swimming, beach, and resort were all completely wonderful but it sucks that shit like this has to happen. I wonder if they'll just leave me in the lobby and forget about me. That would be nice.
4:51PM - They found Camilla's purse, thrown haphazardly into some bushes nearby. Money, etc. all gone. The books were left in the bag, which says a lot about the kind of person who does this sort of thing.
MONDAY, APRIL 6th
12:02AM - We got lost on our way to Sayulita. Went through the disgustingly poor part of town. Kids-rifling-through-garbage-in-the-middle-of-the-street kind of poor. Our hostel run by hippies named Mary and Doug, who were both ridiculously high when we met them. It's above a clothing boutique they work for. This town is something else. So relaxed, so many outdoor cafes and restaurants. It's full of tourists but not in a bad way. Like they're backpackers rather than drunken louts at a resort. I am totally exhausted with my emotions being on hyperdrive all day. I also have a fucking shitty sunburn. I gots to sleep this badboy off. Everytime my back shifts it's like hot needles everywhere. This town seems like the kind of place Ernest Hemingway would be found fighting a bear all raged on the tequila. Who's drunk though? The bear, or Mr. Hemingway?
11:48AM - Got kicked out the hostel by Pia. She said she wasn't kicking me out but she totally was. I'm fine with that though, now that I think about it. I really haven't said enough nice things about Pia in this journal, but that's completely not intentional. It takes a certain strong-willed kind of soul to put up with me for two weeks and do it with the general friendliness she's done it with. So anyways, I got kicked out of the room. I went to catch up with Pia's cousins (who had been chanting for us outside our window) for breakfast, but I couldn't find them. So I went to the beach, grabbed a lawn chair, and plopped right down. I am very, very happy. Lots of barefoot, braless bohemian ladies walking along in those sundress things I like so much. Not too shabby. There's a dude hacking at a coconut with a machete and I think he and his wife are yelling at each other.
12:55PM - "Staring at the Sun" by TV on the Radio while I'm soaking in the sun. Neat. I'm in my polo shirt, collar popped to protect my neck. iPod on maximum volume. Sunglasses set to stun. I am the coolest motherfucker on this beach. I really want a tropical style drink right now. One with an orange wedge hanging on the glass and a bendy straw. I also don't want to move from my spot. My life is filled with terrible, horrible choices.
1:38PM - Going into town. All this sun is making me sweat like an overweight guy who's completely out of his element.
2:09PM - Back at the hostel. My face feels totally burnt, but I haven't seen my reflection since I left the beach. I bought "hydrating orange juice" and pounded it back. Stomach a little bloated. I didn't really check out all the town but it's a pretty small place. I just came back to wash all the sand off and regroup. Town quite nice right now but I see it turning into a hellhole in five years, resorts and all. On the terrace in a rocking chair, drinking orange juice. I wonder if this is what my parents did in Africa before they had kids.
5:03PM - Pia found me a couple of hours ago and took me to hang out with everyone. Apparently I'm so badly sunburnt they won't let me in the sun for the rest of the day. It's been relaxing and awesome just sitting under the umbrella with folks. A couple more beers and I'm in business...moreso.
7:47PM - Had cilantro-cheese quesidillas for dinner. My mouth is singing. Pia and Alex cleaning up for tonight. "Are we drinking?" "What do you think?" I'm on the patio, headphones on, with a bottle of water. Saw an Obama poster in a burrito place. The taco restaurant across the street from it had a picture of a jalapeno pepper with a curvy moustache drinking from a glass bottle of coke and eating a taco. It was also wearing a sombrero and might just be the most Mexican thing I've ever seen in my life, ever. There's a pretty girl on the patio but I'm too scared to strike up a conversation. The sun is starting to set. Easier to hide my sunburn. I'm all red, but I'm in a good mood. Red, but tickled pink.
2:17AM - Holy shit I am super drunk. 9 beers. Danced with girls from Guanajuato. Left Pia and Alex alone. My ears are ringing. Shitty Mexican salsa music but I danced to it anyway. Pia and Alex fucking in his car, good for them. Drunk enough to not care. Can't focus. Sweaty and tired. Splash my face with cold water.
8:08AM - I puked everywhere. On the bed, my notebook, my pen, the floor. Mission accomplished. Still a little drunk. 9 Coronas in 45 minutes, I seem to remember. Woke up covered in vomit. Still wearing all my clothes including my shoes. Hungry.
9:34AM - Bought Starbucks and a new notebook to replace my vomit covered one. Was going to transcribe my notes but I'm all like "fuck that" right now because that shit's boring as hell to do. So I'll keep the barfy one for now.
10:44AM - Did someone say Moby Dick? Cause this white whale is going swimming. Pia is busy being busy.
1:33PM - Swimming was totally awesome. God, I love swimming. Gonna take it up when I get back. Worked on my tan like a cool dude. My notebook reeks of vomit but I can't do or say anything about it.
2:03PM - Finished "The Road". Really good read - depressing and bleak and without any hope at all. Goddammit, I have to wash my hands everytime I use this notebook.
2:15PM - I switched notebooks to my new one. The vomited one is wrapped in a plastic bag and stowed away for later pickup. Like a biohazard or evidence in a murder trial.
2:38PM - So Pia is doing stuff. No one else is home. Things are quiet. I'm packed and ready for the beach trip. Apologized to the maid - yes, the Ferraris have a maid on top of everything else - about the vomit. I went "Perdon!" and pointed to the floor while making a swig motion with my other hand and my mouth. She just laughed. Nothing to do right now. Want to reflect on my trip so far but I'll save that for the beach. Will try to listen to my iPod and piece together last night.
4:43PM - Pia's getting waxed and somehow her mom roped me into going with her. Sounds weirder than it actually is. Just to clarify, I'm just chaperoning. No waxing for this dude. I think it's out of boredom more than anything. Waiting around for a waxing isn't exactly high on my life's to-do list. I think Pia is complaining to Alex that I'm coming to the waxing. I can hear the stupid walkie-talkie cellphones and Alex's dulcit tones through the doors. Yeah, this is going to be Tony-the-Tiger levels of GRRRRREAT. Sarcasm duly noted?
9:23PM - I feel like shrapnel has been shot into my chest. Little pieces of metal and glass burning through to my lungs. I'm pretty fucking furious. Pia and I went to the mall, so she could shop for the trip. She basically told me that she could do it alone and that I could walk around the mall for a couple of hours while she got it done. About an hour later I see her hanging out with Alex. I'm totally pissed off, not because of jealousy, but because of the total fucking waste of time it's been. If she didn't want me there, she could have said so! Instead of tooling around a shitty mall, not doing or buying anything, I could have stayed at her house. Gone swimming, read, checked email, shave. Any little fucking thing! And it just goes to show you, in all fairness and honesty, Pia doesn't really want me here or the novelty of having me here has worn off. It sucks. I keep getting trapped into doing things for her - filming here, storage there - and for my troubles? Not a whole lot, I guess. While she makes moony eyes at Alex I have to keep telling store owners "No hable espanol" over and over and over and over again to disappointed looks of betrayal and annoyance. Definitely getting the shit end of the stick here. I never thought I'd write the word "pariah" but there you go. If I could go home tonight, I would. But I can't. I'm going to be sharing a small room with them for five days in a shanty town somewhere on the coast. I have to get out of this somehow.
11:07PM - I know it's selfish of me, but I really thought this trip would, you know, be at least a little bit about me. I thought it would be me and Pia up to our old hijinks but no, not really. I feel like a 240-pound backpack no one wants to carry. I plan on spending as little time with Pia as possible for the remainder of my trip.
SATURDAY, APRIL 4th
7:50AM - I think about last night and I wonder when I became such an asshole. It feels like it just happened overnight or something. I seem to remember being bright and friendly at one point in my life. Maybe I never was. That would be the absolute worst. Being born a total cunt, my fate as a dick signed, sealed and unstoppable since I was yanked from that warm and comfortable womb. I'll apologize to Pia when she breaks from hibernation. I was kind of a grump last night.
8:15AM - Pia doesn't really know the meaning of "packing light", it seems. I have a shoulder bag and half-a-suitcase. She has a suitcase, backpack, some sort of bowling bag, and a laptop bag all filled to the brim. She couldn't carry the suitcase so I had to do it. I know she's "a girl" but it's only five days and we'll be on the beach the whole time. And now she's coming down the stairs with another backpack. This could be hilarious and terrible at the same time.
1:19PM - In Guadalajara. Ugly. For tourists who really don't know any better, not that I'm that great of a tourist. Strip clubs here are the biggest buildings. The ads for the strip clubs are the biggest billboards in town.
7ishPM - Ten hours. It took ten fucking hours to reach our destination. I wish people would tell me these things. We drove through flat desert, winding mountains, and what amounted to Mexico's jungle. I even dealt with eating shitty fucking McDonald's in a country that can't get it right and with a chip on my shoulder from working there. And where do I end up? At the nicest, most ritzy resort I've ever been in. The Grand Mayan. Never in my wildest McDonald's-slinging dreams would I ever figure I'd ever even be allowed to enter a place like this. I'm on the beach, watching the sunset. It's quiet. It's calming. I can smell the ocean for what seems like the first time in forever. It's just the right temperature outside. Yes, I've had a complete mood change. It was just the thing I needed, something I can really get behind. I feel at home - right at fucking home! - with the sand and the surf. The fat drunken Americans, honeymooning couples, bored teenagers, and cute ladies. I could give all the love in the world to everyone. Even Alex and Pia. I apologized for my grumpy attitude from the night before. Cited general loneliness and blahness for it. I left them in the room. I needed to look around on my own. I needed to know where I stood with things. I figure that in terms of both my animosity and my "romantic" feelings for Pia - a strange Gemini quality I keep with me - is that it's dead. It's floating in a motel pool, face down. Dead and gone. There's still that broken, beaten, downtrodden motel employee using the leaf net to fish the body out, but he knows its a futile exercise. But fuck that shit. I'm letting the tide run over my feet.
9:28PM - Showered, changed, fed. I feel like magic.
9:44PM - Tonight is a Saturday, at it seems quieter than normal. There's rumors of going to a club or to a bar or something but no one tells me shit so what do I know? Pia is quiet and distant on the patio. Alex is sleeping in front of the TV. Actually, Pia's cousins are coming. Looks like it's going to be a good old-fashioned throw down. Am I gonna pick it up though? Probably not. I dunno. My head feels empty, like all the clutter has been washed out. I'm drinking beer that comes pre-made with the lime and the salt in it already. It's refreshing, if not the tastiest. What else is happening? Not too much, I guess. When Pia's cousins show up I'll feel out of place, of course, but that's nothing new. I guess I have a reasonable haircut and reasonable clothes, and I'm looking and feeling reasonable enough. Things are reasonable then.
SUNDAY, APRIL 5th
4:34AM - More drunk talk with Pia, alone on the balcony. I think we both said too many things and admitted too many things. Mine was a little bit more awkward though, I guess. Not the best drunk talk ever. Beautiful spot though. Everyone ridiculously drunk - from the cousins to Alex to me. Spanish easier to understand when you're blasted. We were too drunk to go to the club though. Stood around in the big fancy lobby next to a piano arguing about what to do. Great fun. Made friends with the dude I thought I wouldn't. He's total alpha male - Halo playing, pussy pounding, you know - but he's fucking hilarious. Good dude, no pretentions. All the couples are sleeping or fucking right now. I'm out on the patio, doing neither, of course. Riding out my buzz. I want to jump off the balcony. Not to die, but to fly. Sayulita tomorrow, I think. Small town, in a hostel. Beach and sun as far as the eye can see. Need it. Pia said her goal is to get me laid. Good luck, she'll need it. Despite the easiest solution. I want to stay at the resort. There's a lot of lonely souls I want to meet. Saw a lady alone, carrying a book to the beach. She looked lost, like she was jilted at the altar and she's using up her honeymoon points. I could be her friend, at least for a little while. Alright, I'm fucking drunk. Let's sleep. Snore snore snore.
10:18AM - Hungover. Spanish Spongebob on TV. Pia's cousin is gorgeous and walking around in skimpy underwear, mumbling in Spanish. I've woken up in a David Lynch film.
10:44AM - Another day in paradise, I suppose. I'm outside on the patio. Sun, sea smell, mountains. People doing their morning jogging routine the arrogant, healthy fuckers. There's something about a group hangover that really bonds everyone together. I'm antsy, I want to get moving. Somewhere, anywhere. Maybe we'll all go to the beach. I'm still not tanned enough. I need to piss but I'm afraid to use the bathroom in case I hear Alex and Pia going at it. Too early for that shit. I'm hungry.
11:50AM - Cold pop tarts and Diet Dr. Pepper. Breakfast of champions.
12:53PM - On the beach, in the blinding sun. Totally free, feeling magical. Everyone else is off doing couples' stuff. Wouldn't have it any other way. I love the quiet.
1:51PM - Beach volleyball. I am totally blessed. I quite like the idea of being a beach bum. Like Oliver Twist in better weather. Glamorous.
2:09PM - It's time to get down with the get down. I won't be here forever. In a week I'm gone and far away, back to Canada. Flipping burgers and surviving on cynicism and apathy. I want it to change - honest! I really do. I want to get a real job and go back to school and fall in love and have hope and be the best I can be and lose weight and make a difference and be a better person and be drink free and all the great things in the world. That's a lot to accomplish for any person and it's a wonder if I can pull any of it off. Part of me wants to shrug and say "fuck it, who gives a shit" but the other part - the sensible part - slaps me in the face and says go for it. Whatever.
4:24PM - Some lowdown, rotten, dirty snake stole Camilla's purse. 5000 pesos, cameras, iPods, everything is goon. Honestly, of all the dick moves in the world. Everything else - Pia's stuff, my stuff - was left behind for some reason. I'm waiting in the lobby because my lack of Spanish can only hinder the investigative process. Bad news plus the need to take my anti-depressants equals Grumpy Craig. The swimming, beach, and resort were all completely wonderful but it sucks that shit like this has to happen. I wonder if they'll just leave me in the lobby and forget about me. That would be nice.
4:51PM - They found Camilla's purse, thrown haphazardly into some bushes nearby. Money, etc. all gone. The books were left in the bag, which says a lot about the kind of person who does this sort of thing.
MONDAY, APRIL 6th
12:02AM - We got lost on our way to Sayulita. Went through the disgustingly poor part of town. Kids-rifling-through-garbage-in-the-middle-of-the-street kind of poor. Our hostel run by hippies named Mary and Doug, who were both ridiculously high when we met them. It's above a clothing boutique they work for. This town is something else. So relaxed, so many outdoor cafes and restaurants. It's full of tourists but not in a bad way. Like they're backpackers rather than drunken louts at a resort. I am totally exhausted with my emotions being on hyperdrive all day. I also have a fucking shitty sunburn. I gots to sleep this badboy off. Everytime my back shifts it's like hot needles everywhere. This town seems like the kind of place Ernest Hemingway would be found fighting a bear all raged on the tequila. Who's drunk though? The bear, or Mr. Hemingway?
11:48AM - Got kicked out the hostel by Pia. She said she wasn't kicking me out but she totally was. I'm fine with that though, now that I think about it. I really haven't said enough nice things about Pia in this journal, but that's completely not intentional. It takes a certain strong-willed kind of soul to put up with me for two weeks and do it with the general friendliness she's done it with. So anyways, I got kicked out of the room. I went to catch up with Pia's cousins (who had been chanting for us outside our window) for breakfast, but I couldn't find them. So I went to the beach, grabbed a lawn chair, and plopped right down. I am very, very happy. Lots of barefoot, braless bohemian ladies walking along in those sundress things I like so much. Not too shabby. There's a dude hacking at a coconut with a machete and I think he and his wife are yelling at each other.
12:55PM - "Staring at the Sun" by TV on the Radio while I'm soaking in the sun. Neat. I'm in my polo shirt, collar popped to protect my neck. iPod on maximum volume. Sunglasses set to stun. I am the coolest motherfucker on this beach. I really want a tropical style drink right now. One with an orange wedge hanging on the glass and a bendy straw. I also don't want to move from my spot. My life is filled with terrible, horrible choices.
1:38PM - Going into town. All this sun is making me sweat like an overweight guy who's completely out of his element.
2:09PM - Back at the hostel. My face feels totally burnt, but I haven't seen my reflection since I left the beach. I bought "hydrating orange juice" and pounded it back. Stomach a little bloated. I didn't really check out all the town but it's a pretty small place. I just came back to wash all the sand off and regroup. Town quite nice right now but I see it turning into a hellhole in five years, resorts and all. On the terrace in a rocking chair, drinking orange juice. I wonder if this is what my parents did in Africa before they had kids.
5:03PM - Pia found me a couple of hours ago and took me to hang out with everyone. Apparently I'm so badly sunburnt they won't let me in the sun for the rest of the day. It's been relaxing and awesome just sitting under the umbrella with folks. A couple more beers and I'm in business...moreso.
7:47PM - Had cilantro-cheese quesidillas for dinner. My mouth is singing. Pia and Alex cleaning up for tonight. "Are we drinking?" "What do you think?" I'm on the patio, headphones on, with a bottle of water. Saw an Obama poster in a burrito place. The taco restaurant across the street from it had a picture of a jalapeno pepper with a curvy moustache drinking from a glass bottle of coke and eating a taco. It was also wearing a sombrero and might just be the most Mexican thing I've ever seen in my life, ever. There's a pretty girl on the patio but I'm too scared to strike up a conversation. The sun is starting to set. Easier to hide my sunburn. I'm all red, but I'm in a good mood. Red, but tickled pink.
4.16.2009
Mexico 2009 - One - My Lack of Things To Say
SATURDAY, MARCH 28th
12:13AM - I'm leaving for Mexico tomorrow. I can't even comprehend how I feel about it. I feel like it started out as something innocent and pure but now it's morphed into something completely different. I was really going to push things forward with this vacation; make it one of those memorable things you do to grow up just a touch and look back at it - for better or for worse - as one of those things you do to grow up a little bit. Not so much anymore. I feel relegated to the back of a crowded room. People and events and things shuffle and jostle for the front of the line, and I'm letting them. I'm pulled by my shirt and dragged around like a little lost puppy dog. I'm done trying to impress. I'm done pining and imagining. Easier said than done though, right? I'll probably end up changing this troubled tune.
SUNDAY, MARCH 29th
11:05AM - Everything from leaving the house to arriving at my gate has been almost disgustingly easy (except for a snafu I'd rather not talk about). This makes me worried of course. Maybe the cabin pressure will drop and my eyes will pop out of my head, spraying matter and pus all over my glasses. The mind, it wanders from time to time. But here I am, going to Mexico. By myself on my own money. The concept of it all is so foreign and grownup that I can barely believe it. I was taking the train and the bus to the airport and it just didn't feel real. Like I was dreaming it or something. It's funny how I've been patiently waiting for this trip for months and now it's happening so fast I can barely keep up. If you find that kind of thing funny, I guess.
12:52PM - I hate hate hate waiting in airports. It reminds me of a hospital. Everything muffled, sterile, still. It makes me lose focus. Makes me impatient. All the flight attendants/desk people/uniformed officials all seem to have a good repor with each other with one another, which is nice I guess. It's drizzly and gunmetal gray outside, almost blinding. The tarmac looks endless in the fog. Maybe I'm in purgatory. One with plasma TVs and TGIFriday's, There's a woman three rows down from me, facing me directly. She's tall, skinny with long legs and tight jeans. She thinks she's good looking but she's not. Her breasts are the worst kind of fake and they're weird looking. The space between them is cavernous. I don't think she's ever smiled. I don't know her at all and I hate her already. I think it's from working in fast food so long - I automatically assume that people are shitty. I think McDonald's is destroying my soul, or at the very least my faith in humanity. One hour and fifty minutes until I board my flight. Not bad at all. I have to admit that I miss my parents, miss my sister. I'll probably be too distracted when I'm in Mexico to write that, so there it is.
2:07PM - There are a lot of Hasidic Jews around, all waiting for flights to New York. I thought that was just a stereotype or something. Boredom's fueled my creativity. I've been writing stories for the past hour or so.
2:35PM - The best part about Mexico? NO JUNO AWARDS. If I have to hear one more thing about Nickelback and Celine Dion from the CBC repeats on the TVs I will put a fucking bullet between my eyes. Also, Russell Peters is incredibly overrated. The plane's supposed to board soon. Thank the lord. I was beginning to get used to the stifling, recycled air of the airport. I don't ever want that to ever happen ever.
3:49PM - The plan is about 10 minutes late for departure. Hope I make my transfer flight. Seats are surprisingly roomy. The rain's gone and sunlight broke through when we started boarding the plane. 90% of all plane crashes occur during takeoff and landing. Maybe another jet will slam into us as we're just getting the wheels off the ground. That would be unexpected. I still feel weird. This is not my face, this is not my life. I'm just a passenger in some weird rollercoaster. Like I'm watching things turn up on someone else's TV. It's hard to explain. Oh well. Everytime the plane lurches or evens itself out, it feels like the first hill of a rollercoaster. One more dip and it's falling falling falling into oblivion.
5:46PM - What the fuck? The flight was completely awesome. I slept all the way there and it landed half-an-hour early. The seats were nice and my ears didn't pop or get that cabin pressure shit going on. Totally strange. Maybe this trip really was meant for me after all. People used to rush to have cigarettes but now they rush to use their Blackberries. Times are changing.
6:35PM - Dallas/Fort Worth Airport is amazing. It's warm and homely and well-signed and all of that. I got to take the monorail between terminals, so that was a bit of a novelty. Dallas looks gorgeous from the skies.
7:17PM - Texas sunset. Once in my life, I suppose.
7:39PM - Texas is all black from the air, the lit-up cities looking like cracked glass on the landscape. Like rocks thrown at a windshield. I want to land already. I have the distinct, terrible feeling my luggage didn't make it at all. I'm nervous about seeing Pia. I'm the only non-Latino-esque person on this plane, which is barely the size of a city bus. I have to hunch over to go anywhere.
MONDAY, MARCH 30th
12:20AM - It's weird, I don't feel like I'm in Mexico yet. Pia's house and family very nice, but I'm disconnected from it all. I need to sleep and sort things out.
12:39AM - Those "maybe I love her" feelings? When I'm here, they're not. I'm more saddened by my lack of things to say rather than that other thing. I'm still a tangled mess - I'll forever be a tangled mess - but things are becoming the way they should be, which is nice.
8:41AM - The sunlight woke me up. I haven't been outside yet but I can see wall-to-wall blue skies from where I'm sitting. Things might be simple.
10:18AM - Up, showered, tidied, suntan lotioned, everything. Read a little bit out on the terrace. Sky is blue, far hotter than Oakville will ever be. Pia still sleeping.
11:29AM - Had big Mexican breakfast of quesidillas and berries. Going to work on the tan and read out on the patio thing. Amazing tan or wicked sunburn? Feeling good. At peace for once.
2:16PM - Pia is showering and prepping for tomorrow. I'm all lizard on the terrace, straight up basking in the sun.
4:31PM - Pia took a break from doing other stuff to show me around. Neat neighborhood. Warm as get out. Lunch was a three course affair. Now I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'm boring Pia with my quiet, wide-eyed-and-silent interest with everything. I'm like an infant who's playing with a set of car keys.
9:28PM - Hung out with Alex (Pia's newish boyfriend). Seems like a reasonable dude by all accounts. Watched his soccer team play. Did some camera stuff at some hole in the wall store somewhere in Irapuato. Going out for mind-blowing tacos, which might be a good thing.
10:58PM - Tacos and quesidillas were the best I've ever had. About $5 for the whole lot of them. Love it. Right now Pia and Alex are kissing somewhere in the street. I'm feeling like I need someone to make out with, you know...Ugh. I'm so disgustingly single. That would probably explain a lot of problems with me these days. My mind's blown by the simple answer to it all, but that doesn't stop the mind-numbing loneliness of it all. At least there's a palpable reason to feel this way. But I always talk about being single and confusing affection for love. I'm in a warm-as-fuck country! I ate some brilliant tacos! I know what I have to do in life! My family is mostly healthy and mostly happy! Shit, that puts me in a good mood. I just might make it through this trip with my self esteem intact.
TUESDAY, MARCH 31st
8:46AM - Going to some Mexican berry farm in the wilds of nowhere. Helping Pia film a corporate video. I told her I was allergic to Media Arts but it was to no avail at all.
12:01PM - Saw a Mexico that not a lot of tourists see on a normal basis. Small, poor towns and endless tequila fields and so on. At the berry farm in some employee hostel. Pia preps shooting. I want to nap.
8:58PM - Surreal today. If you had told me four days ago that I'd be in the back of a truck at sunset rolling across raspberry fields with a pretty redhead next to me, I'd have called you a filthy heathon of a liar, but there you have it. It totally happened. Completely calming. Not a care in the world for that half-hour. Left the town (Something del something I think) with Pia and her Dad and we're at some apartment condo thing or something. We're going to eat and I'm going to have a beer or twelve. I will explain more when my lips are looser.
10:51PM - 3 Coronas and counting. Let's get this going.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1st
12:15AM - Long, rambling drunktalk with Pia. Just like the good old days. 6 Coronas in total. I can't remember ever having Corona before. Pia and I in good spirits. Talked about the universe and destiny and love and all of that shit. Realized how strong our friendship actually is. Can't shake driving through Mexico at night. No streetlights. Like seeing ghosts of people and buildings fly by. Nothing feels real, not even the stars. It wasn't like this when I was in Scotland. I'm tired. My teeth are brushed and the shirt is off. Dreamland totally welcome right now. Will dream of ghosts and headlights and stars and Scotland.
9:54AM - Overslept by two hours. Shit.
10:05AM - Pia says we're not late for anything. Okee-dokee then.
10:30AM - The maid came in while Pia was in the shower. This language barrier thing is both hilarious and completely frustrating. I don't think I'll shower here. I'm a little hyper, don't know why.
10:53AM - Pia is taking forever to change, which is foreboding. This country hasn't invented clouds yet, so it's still blue blue blue skies all the way.
12:37AM - History always repeats itself. Me and Pia hightailing it to a goddamned bus at the last minute. Her dad doing genuinely crazy Mexican-esque driving to get us to the station. Completely terrifying and intense. Now it's Mexican bus time, which should be an experience.
4:49PM - Warm with a breeze. Drove past really poor shantytowns and endless farms. Alex picked us up from the bus station, which was crazy busy with traffic. Had a quick lunch and watched the end of Braveheart with Spanish subtitles. Another sort of odd thing to add to the pile of sort of odd things that have occurred during my stay so far. Pia and Alex are somewhere making out, I think. It's a godsend because I kind of want to be alone right now. I need to recharge. I need a beer. I need to read. Anything where I can think by myself.
6:43PM - Walked around Irapuato by myself for a bit. Sun was setting - it still is - and it was nice out. Quiet and warm. Went into a nicer area of town with boutiques and gated communities and "villas". A stray dog followed me for a bit but it got distracted by some edible leaves. Got an ice tea and stood in the street watching some kids play. Felt good. No Pia or Alex or other Ferraris around. Oh. Looks like Pia's back from wherever.
11:48PM - Seems whenever I want to be alone, I get forced into a group thing. Watched the Mexico-Honduras soccer game with Pia's friends at Alex's house. I felt like an anchor around Pia's neck. No one spoke English. So I got drunk. Just so I wouldn't care. It worked pretty well for the most part. Started to sober up on the ride home and my mood dipped even further. I feel like a loser. Like I've dropped from the sky and everyone has to put up with me for just that little bit longer. I am officially a third, fifth, seventh, eleventh wheel. And the day started off so well.
THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd
10:48AM - Long sleep, longer than I wanted it to be. Not so grumpy anymore. We're going to Guanajuato today. Pia seems bouncy and chipper so maybe that will rub off on me a little.
11:11AM - Pia looks like Hilary Duff mixed with Miley Cyrus, with a little Ginny Weasley thrown in for good measure. Milary Cysley.
8:25PM - Guanajuato is the most awe-inspiringly beautiful place I've ever been. A colonial city that's built into a valley. You go through these crazy tunnels to get to it, and as you go through, the city just sort of opens up to you. A cable car can take you to the upper area. Everything is so colorful and cultural. I want to move there and live there for a long time. I felt a little out of place - of course. I gave Pia and Alex space whenever possible but I don't think it helped very much. The whole "third wheel thing" didn't come into play until we went through some more "couples' themed" areas of the town, including an alley where it's good luck for lovers to kiss. Have you noticed that I complain a lot? That I'm pre-occupied with being single and all that unimportant shit? It's just lonely down here with Pia as the only recognizable figure around to keep me company. Blech, my hands are all grimy. Gotta wash the Mexican grease and sand off of them. Pia wants to hang out now, but to be honest, I just want to lie in bed and stare at the wall. I'm not sick of her, more sick of myself.
10:30PM - Going out to a bar? I dunno, I guess so. Looked at photos with Pia before Alex showed up and we all ate dinner together. Watched the Simpsons in Spanish. Like one strange, silly little family. "Familia". Pia's little brother is alright as far as little brothers go. Still in a junky mood but drinking will help that out. I want to get completely fucked up. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic. At least at rock bottom you can see more of the horizon. Maybe I just want to be a drunk so real feelings don't come into play.
11:23PM - We're going to a place called Barezzito which sounds like parasite which is how I feel right now. Whatever. Let's get fucked up.
12:13AM - I'm leaving for Mexico tomorrow. I can't even comprehend how I feel about it. I feel like it started out as something innocent and pure but now it's morphed into something completely different. I was really going to push things forward with this vacation; make it one of those memorable things you do to grow up just a touch and look back at it - for better or for worse - as one of those things you do to grow up a little bit. Not so much anymore. I feel relegated to the back of a crowded room. People and events and things shuffle and jostle for the front of the line, and I'm letting them. I'm pulled by my shirt and dragged around like a little lost puppy dog. I'm done trying to impress. I'm done pining and imagining. Easier said than done though, right? I'll probably end up changing this troubled tune.
SUNDAY, MARCH 29th
11:05AM - Everything from leaving the house to arriving at my gate has been almost disgustingly easy (except for a snafu I'd rather not talk about). This makes me worried of course. Maybe the cabin pressure will drop and my eyes will pop out of my head, spraying matter and pus all over my glasses. The mind, it wanders from time to time. But here I am, going to Mexico. By myself on my own money. The concept of it all is so foreign and grownup that I can barely believe it. I was taking the train and the bus to the airport and it just didn't feel real. Like I was dreaming it or something. It's funny how I've been patiently waiting for this trip for months and now it's happening so fast I can barely keep up. If you find that kind of thing funny, I guess.
12:52PM - I hate hate hate waiting in airports. It reminds me of a hospital. Everything muffled, sterile, still. It makes me lose focus. Makes me impatient. All the flight attendants/desk people/uniformed officials all seem to have a good repor with each other with one another, which is nice I guess. It's drizzly and gunmetal gray outside, almost blinding. The tarmac looks endless in the fog. Maybe I'm in purgatory. One with plasma TVs and TGIFriday's, There's a woman three rows down from me, facing me directly. She's tall, skinny with long legs and tight jeans. She thinks she's good looking but she's not. Her breasts are the worst kind of fake and they're weird looking. The space between them is cavernous. I don't think she's ever smiled. I don't know her at all and I hate her already. I think it's from working in fast food so long - I automatically assume that people are shitty. I think McDonald's is destroying my soul, or at the very least my faith in humanity. One hour and fifty minutes until I board my flight. Not bad at all. I have to admit that I miss my parents, miss my sister. I'll probably be too distracted when I'm in Mexico to write that, so there it is.
2:07PM - There are a lot of Hasidic Jews around, all waiting for flights to New York. I thought that was just a stereotype or something. Boredom's fueled my creativity. I've been writing stories for the past hour or so.
2:35PM - The best part about Mexico? NO JUNO AWARDS. If I have to hear one more thing about Nickelback and Celine Dion from the CBC repeats on the TVs I will put a fucking bullet between my eyes. Also, Russell Peters is incredibly overrated. The plane's supposed to board soon. Thank the lord. I was beginning to get used to the stifling, recycled air of the airport. I don't ever want that to ever happen ever.
3:49PM - The plan is about 10 minutes late for departure. Hope I make my transfer flight. Seats are surprisingly roomy. The rain's gone and sunlight broke through when we started boarding the plane. 90% of all plane crashes occur during takeoff and landing. Maybe another jet will slam into us as we're just getting the wheels off the ground. That would be unexpected. I still feel weird. This is not my face, this is not my life. I'm just a passenger in some weird rollercoaster. Like I'm watching things turn up on someone else's TV. It's hard to explain. Oh well. Everytime the plane lurches or evens itself out, it feels like the first hill of a rollercoaster. One more dip and it's falling falling falling into oblivion.
5:46PM - What the fuck? The flight was completely awesome. I slept all the way there and it landed half-an-hour early. The seats were nice and my ears didn't pop or get that cabin pressure shit going on. Totally strange. Maybe this trip really was meant for me after all. People used to rush to have cigarettes but now they rush to use their Blackberries. Times are changing.
6:35PM - Dallas/Fort Worth Airport is amazing. It's warm and homely and well-signed and all of that. I got to take the monorail between terminals, so that was a bit of a novelty. Dallas looks gorgeous from the skies.
7:17PM - Texas sunset. Once in my life, I suppose.
7:39PM - Texas is all black from the air, the lit-up cities looking like cracked glass on the landscape. Like rocks thrown at a windshield. I want to land already. I have the distinct, terrible feeling my luggage didn't make it at all. I'm nervous about seeing Pia. I'm the only non-Latino-esque person on this plane, which is barely the size of a city bus. I have to hunch over to go anywhere.
MONDAY, MARCH 30th
12:20AM - It's weird, I don't feel like I'm in Mexico yet. Pia's house and family very nice, but I'm disconnected from it all. I need to sleep and sort things out.
12:39AM - Those "maybe I love her" feelings? When I'm here, they're not. I'm more saddened by my lack of things to say rather than that other thing. I'm still a tangled mess - I'll forever be a tangled mess - but things are becoming the way they should be, which is nice.
8:41AM - The sunlight woke me up. I haven't been outside yet but I can see wall-to-wall blue skies from where I'm sitting. Things might be simple.
10:18AM - Up, showered, tidied, suntan lotioned, everything. Read a little bit out on the terrace. Sky is blue, far hotter than Oakville will ever be. Pia still sleeping.
11:29AM - Had big Mexican breakfast of quesidillas and berries. Going to work on the tan and read out on the patio thing. Amazing tan or wicked sunburn? Feeling good. At peace for once.
2:16PM - Pia is showering and prepping for tomorrow. I'm all lizard on the terrace, straight up basking in the sun.
4:31PM - Pia took a break from doing other stuff to show me around. Neat neighborhood. Warm as get out. Lunch was a three course affair. Now I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'm boring Pia with my quiet, wide-eyed-and-silent interest with everything. I'm like an infant who's playing with a set of car keys.
9:28PM - Hung out with Alex (Pia's newish boyfriend). Seems like a reasonable dude by all accounts. Watched his soccer team play. Did some camera stuff at some hole in the wall store somewhere in Irapuato. Going out for mind-blowing tacos, which might be a good thing.
10:58PM - Tacos and quesidillas were the best I've ever had. About $5 for the whole lot of them. Love it. Right now Pia and Alex are kissing somewhere in the street. I'm feeling like I need someone to make out with, you know...Ugh. I'm so disgustingly single. That would probably explain a lot of problems with me these days. My mind's blown by the simple answer to it all, but that doesn't stop the mind-numbing loneliness of it all. At least there's a palpable reason to feel this way. But I always talk about being single and confusing affection for love. I'm in a warm-as-fuck country! I ate some brilliant tacos! I know what I have to do in life! My family is mostly healthy and mostly happy! Shit, that puts me in a good mood. I just might make it through this trip with my self esteem intact.
TUESDAY, MARCH 31st
8:46AM - Going to some Mexican berry farm in the wilds of nowhere. Helping Pia film a corporate video. I told her I was allergic to Media Arts but it was to no avail at all.
12:01PM - Saw a Mexico that not a lot of tourists see on a normal basis. Small, poor towns and endless tequila fields and so on. At the berry farm in some employee hostel. Pia preps shooting. I want to nap.
8:58PM - Surreal today. If you had told me four days ago that I'd be in the back of a truck at sunset rolling across raspberry fields with a pretty redhead next to me, I'd have called you a filthy heathon of a liar, but there you have it. It totally happened. Completely calming. Not a care in the world for that half-hour. Left the town (Something del something I think) with Pia and her Dad and we're at some apartment condo thing or something. We're going to eat and I'm going to have a beer or twelve. I will explain more when my lips are looser.
10:51PM - 3 Coronas and counting. Let's get this going.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1st
12:15AM - Long, rambling drunktalk with Pia. Just like the good old days. 6 Coronas in total. I can't remember ever having Corona before. Pia and I in good spirits. Talked about the universe and destiny and love and all of that shit. Realized how strong our friendship actually is. Can't shake driving through Mexico at night. No streetlights. Like seeing ghosts of people and buildings fly by. Nothing feels real, not even the stars. It wasn't like this when I was in Scotland. I'm tired. My teeth are brushed and the shirt is off. Dreamland totally welcome right now. Will dream of ghosts and headlights and stars and Scotland.
9:54AM - Overslept by two hours. Shit.
10:05AM - Pia says we're not late for anything. Okee-dokee then.
10:30AM - The maid came in while Pia was in the shower. This language barrier thing is both hilarious and completely frustrating. I don't think I'll shower here. I'm a little hyper, don't know why.
10:53AM - Pia is taking forever to change, which is foreboding. This country hasn't invented clouds yet, so it's still blue blue blue skies all the way.
12:37AM - History always repeats itself. Me and Pia hightailing it to a goddamned bus at the last minute. Her dad doing genuinely crazy Mexican-esque driving to get us to the station. Completely terrifying and intense. Now it's Mexican bus time, which should be an experience.
4:49PM - Warm with a breeze. Drove past really poor shantytowns and endless farms. Alex picked us up from the bus station, which was crazy busy with traffic. Had a quick lunch and watched the end of Braveheart with Spanish subtitles. Another sort of odd thing to add to the pile of sort of odd things that have occurred during my stay so far. Pia and Alex are somewhere making out, I think. It's a godsend because I kind of want to be alone right now. I need to recharge. I need a beer. I need to read. Anything where I can think by myself.
6:43PM - Walked around Irapuato by myself for a bit. Sun was setting - it still is - and it was nice out. Quiet and warm. Went into a nicer area of town with boutiques and gated communities and "villas". A stray dog followed me for a bit but it got distracted by some edible leaves. Got an ice tea and stood in the street watching some kids play. Felt good. No Pia or Alex or other Ferraris around. Oh. Looks like Pia's back from wherever.
11:48PM - Seems whenever I want to be alone, I get forced into a group thing. Watched the Mexico-Honduras soccer game with Pia's friends at Alex's house. I felt like an anchor around Pia's neck. No one spoke English. So I got drunk. Just so I wouldn't care. It worked pretty well for the most part. Started to sober up on the ride home and my mood dipped even further. I feel like a loser. Like I've dropped from the sky and everyone has to put up with me for just that little bit longer. I am officially a third, fifth, seventh, eleventh wheel. And the day started off so well.
THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd
10:48AM - Long sleep, longer than I wanted it to be. Not so grumpy anymore. We're going to Guanajuato today. Pia seems bouncy and chipper so maybe that will rub off on me a little.
11:11AM - Pia looks like Hilary Duff mixed with Miley Cyrus, with a little Ginny Weasley thrown in for good measure. Milary Cysley.
8:25PM - Guanajuato is the most awe-inspiringly beautiful place I've ever been. A colonial city that's built into a valley. You go through these crazy tunnels to get to it, and as you go through, the city just sort of opens up to you. A cable car can take you to the upper area. Everything is so colorful and cultural. I want to move there and live there for a long time. I felt a little out of place - of course. I gave Pia and Alex space whenever possible but I don't think it helped very much. The whole "third wheel thing" didn't come into play until we went through some more "couples' themed" areas of the town, including an alley where it's good luck for lovers to kiss. Have you noticed that I complain a lot? That I'm pre-occupied with being single and all that unimportant shit? It's just lonely down here with Pia as the only recognizable figure around to keep me company. Blech, my hands are all grimy. Gotta wash the Mexican grease and sand off of them. Pia wants to hang out now, but to be honest, I just want to lie in bed and stare at the wall. I'm not sick of her, more sick of myself.
10:30PM - Going out to a bar? I dunno, I guess so. Looked at photos with Pia before Alex showed up and we all ate dinner together. Watched the Simpsons in Spanish. Like one strange, silly little family. "Familia". Pia's little brother is alright as far as little brothers go. Still in a junky mood but drinking will help that out. I want to get completely fucked up. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic. At least at rock bottom you can see more of the horizon. Maybe I just want to be a drunk so real feelings don't come into play.
11:23PM - We're going to a place called Barezzito which sounds like parasite which is how I feel right now. Whatever. Let's get fucked up.
12.30.2008
My December
DECEMBER 4th
I went Christmas shopping at Oakville Place. Normally hate Christmas shopping but this was okay because I was going at my own pace. Liked the little kids waiting in line for Santa Claus because they were well behaved – looking forward to that sort of thing when I have a kid. Bought mom’s gift, as well as some for other people. Bought myself some cheap videogames and ate fast food for lunch. Diet officially killed.
DECEMBER 5th
An impromptu hangout with Stuart in the evening. Went everywhere – Demetre’s, Tim Horton’s, Oakville Place, Wal-Mart, Blockbuster, etc. – that white Oakville kids go to. We did some Christmas shopping and talked smack. A good night overall.
DECEMBER 6th
Met up with Lindsay to watch some movies at the AMC in Toronto. Love that theatre, loved Slumdog Millionaire. One of my favourite of the year so far. Snow was falling beautifully as we made our way to the Cavalcade of Lights outside city hall. Music, lights, skaters, snowfall; it gave me that warm nostalgic feeling I missed last Christmas. Pure heaven.
DECEMBER 11th
Went to the doctor’s to get more medicine for my mind. Kind of alright, not a long wait. Was relaxing to have the car and to be driving around. Checked out Wal-Mart before coming home and doing the obligatory chores. Quite a relaxing day.
DECEMBER 13th
Hung out with Stuart and Eddie at Greyfriar’s. Thought I had the set of balls to ask out the waitress, but I totally didn’t, which is a shame. Went to 24hr Wal-Mart after, bought some DVDs on the cheap, can’t wait to watch them. We went to Tim Horton’s and bumped into Tamer. We spent hours talking and cussing loudly about a lot of things. Think other people were pissed off but that’s okay.
DECEMBER 18th
Work’s Christmas Lunch at the Credit Valley Country Club. I thought I was dressing up quite nice for it but apparently not. Mom made me change into a super-proper suit and tie and we went to Wal-Mart last minute to buy me a pair of real, true, super-business shoes. Everyone complimented me about it, but I felt out of place and it was a warm suit. Lunch was nice enough. Buffet, ate too much. Diet long forgotten.
DECEMBER 19th
Fucking snow! Had to postpone my weekend plans with Lee-Ann and Phil because things were so bad. Was very bored when I got home, so after my parents went to bed I snuck out to Wal-Mart. Walking in the big falling flakes with no-one around was quite nice. Finally felt like Christmas. Had on my scarf and coat and two pairs of socks and all that business. Truly wonderful. Bought some stuff for myself and for the family. Like my financial freedom this month.
DECEMBER 20th
Bought even more Christmas presents and I finally finished everything. Can relax a tiny little bit.
DECEMBER 22nd
Hung out with Tamer in the evening. Went to Monaghan’s for wings and then tried to figure out what to do. Convinced him to go to Slumdog Millionaire. He liked it, thank god, as there was a lot of pressure on me to do what was right. Rented some movies from Blockbuster too. Don’t know why.
DECEMBER 24th
Mandarin dinner with the family. Sister home after weather problems. Glad to see her. Family got along reasonably well during dinner. Not as busy as it usually is. Ate too much again. I’m going to have to fight for my limits to work out in the future. Wrapped presents and went to bed at a reasonable hour.
DECEMBER 25th
Great and absolutely stunning. Family was nice to see and it was nice to get cool presents, both for myself, and to my family. Dinner was absolutely delicious and I couldn’t have been happier. I’m glowing and warm and looking forward to the next Christmas already, even if it has to work really hard to top this one.
DECEMBER 26th
Have been Boxing Day Shopping with Eddie before, but it had been awhile, and I wanted to reinstate the tradition. Got up at an ungodly hour before going to Toronto. Ate lovely Indian buffet for lunch and spent too much money on deals. Nothing super big, just books and DVDs really. I’m overwhelmed with stuff now. I have to stop.
DECEMBER 27th
Nerdfest with Stuart, Eddie, and Sarah. Such fun. Stiff from sitting on my ass all day. Fun times, nerding it up hardcore. Nice to see Sarah when she’s not halfway around the world. Everyone got along and we ate good chicken wings and not-so-good hamburgers, and we just straight up enjoyed our time. What else can I say? Delightful!
I went Christmas shopping at Oakville Place. Normally hate Christmas shopping but this was okay because I was going at my own pace. Liked the little kids waiting in line for Santa Claus because they were well behaved – looking forward to that sort of thing when I have a kid. Bought mom’s gift, as well as some for other people. Bought myself some cheap videogames and ate fast food for lunch. Diet officially killed.
DECEMBER 5th
An impromptu hangout with Stuart in the evening. Went everywhere – Demetre’s, Tim Horton’s, Oakville Place, Wal-Mart, Blockbuster, etc. – that white Oakville kids go to. We did some Christmas shopping and talked smack. A good night overall.
DECEMBER 6th
Met up with Lindsay to watch some movies at the AMC in Toronto. Love that theatre, loved Slumdog Millionaire. One of my favourite of the year so far. Snow was falling beautifully as we made our way to the Cavalcade of Lights outside city hall. Music, lights, skaters, snowfall; it gave me that warm nostalgic feeling I missed last Christmas. Pure heaven.
DECEMBER 11th
Went to the doctor’s to get more medicine for my mind. Kind of alright, not a long wait. Was relaxing to have the car and to be driving around. Checked out Wal-Mart before coming home and doing the obligatory chores. Quite a relaxing day.
DECEMBER 13th
Hung out with Stuart and Eddie at Greyfriar’s. Thought I had the set of balls to ask out the waitress, but I totally didn’t, which is a shame. Went to 24hr Wal-Mart after, bought some DVDs on the cheap, can’t wait to watch them. We went to Tim Horton’s and bumped into Tamer. We spent hours talking and cussing loudly about a lot of things. Think other people were pissed off but that’s okay.
DECEMBER 18th
Work’s Christmas Lunch at the Credit Valley Country Club. I thought I was dressing up quite nice for it but apparently not. Mom made me change into a super-proper suit and tie and we went to Wal-Mart last minute to buy me a pair of real, true, super-business shoes. Everyone complimented me about it, but I felt out of place and it was a warm suit. Lunch was nice enough. Buffet, ate too much. Diet long forgotten.
DECEMBER 19th
Fucking snow! Had to postpone my weekend plans with Lee-Ann and Phil because things were so bad. Was very bored when I got home, so after my parents went to bed I snuck out to Wal-Mart. Walking in the big falling flakes with no-one around was quite nice. Finally felt like Christmas. Had on my scarf and coat and two pairs of socks and all that business. Truly wonderful. Bought some stuff for myself and for the family. Like my financial freedom this month.
DECEMBER 20th
Bought even more Christmas presents and I finally finished everything. Can relax a tiny little bit.
DECEMBER 22nd
Hung out with Tamer in the evening. Went to Monaghan’s for wings and then tried to figure out what to do. Convinced him to go to Slumdog Millionaire. He liked it, thank god, as there was a lot of pressure on me to do what was right. Rented some movies from Blockbuster too. Don’t know why.
DECEMBER 24th
Mandarin dinner with the family. Sister home after weather problems. Glad to see her. Family got along reasonably well during dinner. Not as busy as it usually is. Ate too much again. I’m going to have to fight for my limits to work out in the future. Wrapped presents and went to bed at a reasonable hour.
DECEMBER 25th
Great and absolutely stunning. Family was nice to see and it was nice to get cool presents, both for myself, and to my family. Dinner was absolutely delicious and I couldn’t have been happier. I’m glowing and warm and looking forward to the next Christmas already, even if it has to work really hard to top this one.
DECEMBER 26th
Have been Boxing Day Shopping with Eddie before, but it had been awhile, and I wanted to reinstate the tradition. Got up at an ungodly hour before going to Toronto. Ate lovely Indian buffet for lunch and spent too much money on deals. Nothing super big, just books and DVDs really. I’m overwhelmed with stuff now. I have to stop.
DECEMBER 27th
Nerdfest with Stuart, Eddie, and Sarah. Such fun. Stiff from sitting on my ass all day. Fun times, nerding it up hardcore. Nice to see Sarah when she’s not halfway around the world. Everyone got along and we ate good chicken wings and not-so-good hamburgers, and we just straight up enjoyed our time. What else can I say? Delightful!
12.16.2008
Hot Shit Express
For a favorites of the year list, go HERE.
For a major writing update, go HERE.
More life updates rolling your way in list form, starting right now.
UNCLE KEN
In a strange twist of the unexpected, my aunt and uncle called from Scotland. My favourite uncle – if I can put a tag on that sort of thing – got very sick at work, and had 12 inches of his intestine removed. It sucks hard and I wish him all the best. This isn’t the first time he’s been faced with a health problem but this one seems more serious than the other ones. I hope he gets better. If I was a praying person, I would definitely pray for his good health, but all I can do is send good karma and good thoughts his way.
BUSY WEEK
This week, the week I’m in right now, will be excruciatingly busy as things wrap up for the year. As per usual, I’ve overextended myself, wanting to do a lot of things in a very little amount of time.
The big factors right now are the immediate priorities: work, chores, and Christmas. These are things that are piling up faster than you can throw a stick at. Mom got stick so I’m stuck with more things to do around the house, I have to have everything (and I mean everything) done for work over the next few days, and Christmas shopping still needs to be done as the malls and stores become busier and money becomes tighter. I can feel the stress and my heart sinks with palpitations as I write out all the things I need to do.
It doesn’t help that I’ve tried to throw as much “fun time” into the mix as well. This weekend I have 3 very long days ahead of me as I socially obligate myself to the people in my life. I have no qualms with taking a break and doing things with people, I just kind of wish I had spread it out more, and decided on things that were a little cheaper to do. After I’m done writing this blog, it’s a long, endless run to the finish line, sort of like exams and mid-terms for a school year. There’s only one thing to do: finish it. Hit the finish line in first place.
FUN TIMES
I’m on a 24 kick recently. I bought the first season and am prepared to watch it in one marathon sitting at some point. I got the 3rd and 4th seasons out of the library and I’m plowing through those as if my life depended on it. It’s a dollar a day if it’s returned late and I can’t afford to do that. I’ve been really enjoying what I’ve been watching, and I can’t get enough of it and it’s definitely my favourite show. Season 7 can’t start soon enough.
To be fair, I have been playing the retail therapy card a lot lately. DVDs and videogames mostly. I haven’t had the time or the resources (my PS2 controller broke) to get through them yet, but I will. I’m going Boxing Day shopping with Edward Lai and look forward to purchasing more things.
Speaking of Mr. Lai, he let me borrow a ton of anime from him, in a very gracious move. I hadn’t been into in a while and I decided it was time to increase my interest and see what was out there. Eddie gave and then some. I estimate – conservatively – that I have about 60 hours or so to watch over the coming period in my life. Insanity will probably ensue, but I don’t mind. I am most certainly pumped for it and I graciously thank Mr. Lai for the good times.
Other things that I’ve been up to that help me relax: Reading, movies, and writing. I’m currently going through the Hitchhiker’s Guide series from beginning to end, and I’m enjoying it immensely. The quirky wordplay and eccentric action does wear thin during marathon sessions, but it’s still a great collection of books. I’m nearing the end of the second one and will continue onwards. I’ve taped a shitload of movies on to the PVR at home and I get through them a section at a time. On the docket these days: Videodrome and Secretary. Both are better than I thought they would be, even though I’m only about half-an-hour into each. I like how Videodrome represents Toronto hardcore styles with shout outs and gripping visuals, and Maggie Gyllenhal is a sexy dream in Secretary. I can’t wait to see what happens.
Writing is getting better and more fluid for me. No more ADD (I wrote ASS there by accident) fits where I can’t focus on getting things done. The internet is less of a distraction as I plug away at stories and blogs and everything else. I am truly enjoying getting things out there, no longer hesitant to write what I feel, and it’s liberating. There’s a lot on my plate in terms of what I want to do, but it will get done, in this year or the next.
And that's all folks.
For a major writing update, go HERE.
More life updates rolling your way in list form, starting right now.
UNCLE KEN
In a strange twist of the unexpected, my aunt and uncle called from Scotland. My favourite uncle – if I can put a tag on that sort of thing – got very sick at work, and had 12 inches of his intestine removed. It sucks hard and I wish him all the best. This isn’t the first time he’s been faced with a health problem but this one seems more serious than the other ones. I hope he gets better. If I was a praying person, I would definitely pray for his good health, but all I can do is send good karma and good thoughts his way.
BUSY WEEK
This week, the week I’m in right now, will be excruciatingly busy as things wrap up for the year. As per usual, I’ve overextended myself, wanting to do a lot of things in a very little amount of time.
The big factors right now are the immediate priorities: work, chores, and Christmas. These are things that are piling up faster than you can throw a stick at. Mom got stick so I’m stuck with more things to do around the house, I have to have everything (and I mean everything) done for work over the next few days, and Christmas shopping still needs to be done as the malls and stores become busier and money becomes tighter. I can feel the stress and my heart sinks with palpitations as I write out all the things I need to do.
It doesn’t help that I’ve tried to throw as much “fun time” into the mix as well. This weekend I have 3 very long days ahead of me as I socially obligate myself to the people in my life. I have no qualms with taking a break and doing things with people, I just kind of wish I had spread it out more, and decided on things that were a little cheaper to do. After I’m done writing this blog, it’s a long, endless run to the finish line, sort of like exams and mid-terms for a school year. There’s only one thing to do: finish it. Hit the finish line in first place.
FUN TIMES
I’m on a 24 kick recently. I bought the first season and am prepared to watch it in one marathon sitting at some point. I got the 3rd and 4th seasons out of the library and I’m plowing through those as if my life depended on it. It’s a dollar a day if it’s returned late and I can’t afford to do that. I’ve been really enjoying what I’ve been watching, and I can’t get enough of it and it’s definitely my favourite show. Season 7 can’t start soon enough.
To be fair, I have been playing the retail therapy card a lot lately. DVDs and videogames mostly. I haven’t had the time or the resources (my PS2 controller broke) to get through them yet, but I will. I’m going Boxing Day shopping with Edward Lai and look forward to purchasing more things.
Speaking of Mr. Lai, he let me borrow a ton of anime from him, in a very gracious move. I hadn’t been into in a while and I decided it was time to increase my interest and see what was out there. Eddie gave and then some. I estimate – conservatively – that I have about 60 hours or so to watch over the coming period in my life. Insanity will probably ensue, but I don’t mind. I am most certainly pumped for it and I graciously thank Mr. Lai for the good times.
Other things that I’ve been up to that help me relax: Reading, movies, and writing. I’m currently going through the Hitchhiker’s Guide series from beginning to end, and I’m enjoying it immensely. The quirky wordplay and eccentric action does wear thin during marathon sessions, but it’s still a great collection of books. I’m nearing the end of the second one and will continue onwards. I’ve taped a shitload of movies on to the PVR at home and I get through them a section at a time. On the docket these days: Videodrome and Secretary. Both are better than I thought they would be, even though I’m only about half-an-hour into each. I like how Videodrome represents Toronto hardcore styles with shout outs and gripping visuals, and Maggie Gyllenhal is a sexy dream in Secretary. I can’t wait to see what happens.
Writing is getting better and more fluid for me. No more ADD (I wrote ASS there by accident) fits where I can’t focus on getting things done. The internet is less of a distraction as I plug away at stories and blogs and everything else. I am truly enjoying getting things out there, no longer hesitant to write what I feel, and it’s liberating. There’s a lot on my plate in terms of what I want to do, but it will get done, in this year or the next.
And that's all folks.
12.04.2008
Generalizations
I’m going to affix the Britney Spears Louisiana drawl to this one: On with neeewwws y’all! Even though I don’t got much to say, I’ma gonna say what is on mah mind! Mostly because I love to write y’all!
THE LIBRARY
I hate going to the library. But not because it’s perceived as boring or silent or whatever. It’s because I’ve become obsessed with getting things out of it. It’s a terrible OCD I have with the library. I have plenty of things at home to read and see – I have a list of course – but I just go to the library and take things out. Sometimes I don’t read them, sometimes I don’t watch the DVDs. Time passes by and I can’t cope with the amount of stuff I take out. I read and see about 50-75% of what I take out at a given time, including renewals. It really is that bad.
Right now I’ve got only a few DVDs out but a heck of a bunch of graphic novels. The good thing about graphic novels is that they’re easy to read and I can blow through them, but the DVDs might be harder to pass up and to not savour. I’m only trying to get through them so I can start on the big pile of other books I own that I haven’t read yet. Trainspotting is calling out to me dang it!
LISTED
A lot of the neuroses above have to do with the fact that I have an 80 page (typed) list of things I want to see, read, and accomplish. I’ve really pimped that shit out into the ultimate thing of satisfaction. It’s actually a little sickening and creepy – and that’s my opinion. I’ve got places to go, people to see, and so on, and I want to know I’ve done it. I guess that’s how I rationalize it. Actually, the more I type about it, the less weird it seems. A lot of people have “things that I want to do before I die” lists, right? This is more like “things that I want to do before the end of the month” list.
I guess I’m just a little obsessed with completing it. There’s a lot of mental satisfaction in crossing things out and getting it done with. What can I say? Even if it’s the smallest, dumbest thing, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something.
POLITICAL CRISIS
I’m not really down with politics. I just can’t be bothered unless it’s heading to the polls. The new developments with the Canadian Coalition government and ousting Stephen Harper have me a little weirded out. A little upset. Not because it’s happening – because, honestly, it’ll be exactly the same when the new government is in power – but of the demented outcry of “yays” across the blogosphere.
There are good points and bad points to the Coalition but I hate how some people – especially prevalent on Facebook with their various invites and rallying status quotes – aren’t looking at the full issue. They’re blindly seeing the fact that Stephen Harper will be gone and that’s the end of what they know. If this coalition goes through, do they know that it will give Quebec more power to split from the country? I mean, look at both sides.
But I’m being completely ridiculous. I don’t know nearly enough about politics to begin preaching my ideals. It is very hypocritical of me to try and explain myself like this.
FRESHEN YOUR BREATH WITH ACCOMPLISH-MINTS
Today was a busy day in the land of Craig. I went out to various places to do various Christmas shopping excursions. I returned library books and movies (and thankfully didn’t take any more out). I basically got things done. I came home to do the vacuuming but the vacuum crapped out on me. It was kind of a bummed-out moment just because I could have been like “fuck yeah I did that vacuuming” but nope. Called up mom and let her know what happened so that there would be less yelling when she got home.
Also, I watched Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift this morning. I now want to go Japan so badly and hope that Vin Diesel makes a cameo appearance at the end of my visit even more. Also: I want my dad to hold a gun up to the Yakuza. Something about that would completely kick ass. I can just picture him saying in his quiet Scottish mumble: “You might want to think about your next move, boy.”
What are my plans for the rest of the night? I don’t know yet. I might do some writing, or write about my writing, or I might just watch TV with the folks. I have other, much more important things to do that require my attention, but I’m just not in the mood tonight. I’m worn out from all this doing stuff. Also: My mom’s bringing home some Pizza Pizza tonight, and I’m down for that more than I thought I would be.
THE LIBRARY
I hate going to the library. But not because it’s perceived as boring or silent or whatever. It’s because I’ve become obsessed with getting things out of it. It’s a terrible OCD I have with the library. I have plenty of things at home to read and see – I have a list of course – but I just go to the library and take things out. Sometimes I don’t read them, sometimes I don’t watch the DVDs. Time passes by and I can’t cope with the amount of stuff I take out. I read and see about 50-75% of what I take out at a given time, including renewals. It really is that bad.
Right now I’ve got only a few DVDs out but a heck of a bunch of graphic novels. The good thing about graphic novels is that they’re easy to read and I can blow through them, but the DVDs might be harder to pass up and to not savour. I’m only trying to get through them so I can start on the big pile of other books I own that I haven’t read yet. Trainspotting is calling out to me dang it!
LISTED
A lot of the neuroses above have to do with the fact that I have an 80 page (typed) list of things I want to see, read, and accomplish. I’ve really pimped that shit out into the ultimate thing of satisfaction. It’s actually a little sickening and creepy – and that’s my opinion. I’ve got places to go, people to see, and so on, and I want to know I’ve done it. I guess that’s how I rationalize it. Actually, the more I type about it, the less weird it seems. A lot of people have “things that I want to do before I die” lists, right? This is more like “things that I want to do before the end of the month” list.
I guess I’m just a little obsessed with completing it. There’s a lot of mental satisfaction in crossing things out and getting it done with. What can I say? Even if it’s the smallest, dumbest thing, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something.
POLITICAL CRISIS
I’m not really down with politics. I just can’t be bothered unless it’s heading to the polls. The new developments with the Canadian Coalition government and ousting Stephen Harper have me a little weirded out. A little upset. Not because it’s happening – because, honestly, it’ll be exactly the same when the new government is in power – but of the demented outcry of “yays” across the blogosphere.
There are good points and bad points to the Coalition but I hate how some people – especially prevalent on Facebook with their various invites and rallying status quotes – aren’t looking at the full issue. They’re blindly seeing the fact that Stephen Harper will be gone and that’s the end of what they know. If this coalition goes through, do they know that it will give Quebec more power to split from the country? I mean, look at both sides.
But I’m being completely ridiculous. I don’t know nearly enough about politics to begin preaching my ideals. It is very hypocritical of me to try and explain myself like this.
FRESHEN YOUR BREATH WITH ACCOMPLISH-MINTS
Today was a busy day in the land of Craig. I went out to various places to do various Christmas shopping excursions. I returned library books and movies (and thankfully didn’t take any more out). I basically got things done. I came home to do the vacuuming but the vacuum crapped out on me. It was kind of a bummed-out moment just because I could have been like “fuck yeah I did that vacuuming” but nope. Called up mom and let her know what happened so that there would be less yelling when she got home.
Also, I watched Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift this morning. I now want to go Japan so badly and hope that Vin Diesel makes a cameo appearance at the end of my visit even more. Also: I want my dad to hold a gun up to the Yakuza. Something about that would completely kick ass. I can just picture him saying in his quiet Scottish mumble: “You might want to think about your next move, boy.”
What are my plans for the rest of the night? I don’t know yet. I might do some writing, or write about my writing, or I might just watch TV with the folks. I have other, much more important things to do that require my attention, but I’m just not in the mood tonight. I’m worn out from all this doing stuff. Also: My mom’s bringing home some Pizza Pizza tonight, and I’m down for that more than I thought I would be.
Cold Sit On It Ho
You can read about my other life and writing exploits elsewhere.
On to the general news, conveniently sectioned off into topics of mild interest.
WORK
Man, work gets me down. I know it’s a rough and tumble route to start a blog off on a complaining note, but here I am doing it anyway. It’s the only thing that’s really on my mind at this juncture. It just wears me out. I only work three days a week, and I’m grossly misusing the term “work”, as I spend most of it either messing around or figuring out where to go for lunch.
When I do hunker down for some work, I do it well enough. Much like the fast food side of things, it’s the other people that get me down. Contacting people for meetings is the hardest because people don’t answer the emails I send out and when I call them I always get the deep inner-feeling that I’m intruding on their lives. Kind of like overstaying my welcome or something. Also, their tone is that of snarkiness; understandable in our terrible economic times but also quite unwelcome. I’m just doing my job, I don’t need bitter jokes and observations sassed through the phone from people I don’t even know.
There was a brief period where I was looking for a second job to supplement my income, but as with a lot of things, situations change and I’ve put that on hold for a little while. I probably will get another one in February, once the dust of the holidays and other things settles down just a touch. It won’t be anything interesting – fast food or whatever – and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m definitely liking the slacker lifestyle these days.
CHRISTMAS
I’ve decided to make December a disgustingly busy time for social obligations. Obligations is a rough word for it, because it makes it seem like I don’t want to do these things, but in all honesty I am pumped. I’ve been messaging a lot of people, getting dates sorted out, figuring out the varied things I want to do, and forging ahead. It’s the season for friendship and being together so I’m going to push it as far and as hard as it can go.
My pride for this is that I’ve actually got a calendar – a full December photocopied from work. I have things pencilled in, penned in, and it’s a great little organizer. It’s getting quite crammed and somewhat baffling, but it’s a strong way of visualizing everything I have to do.
Things officially kick off this Saturday. Going to the movies with Mr. Lewis. We’re gonna be straight up rude and sneak into multiple features. I haven’t seen him in a while so I’m quite pumped for it. Other things on the list include Boxing Day shopping, a “Nerdfest” with some of the more anime-inclined from high school, Monaghan’s Wings, Goldeneye on N64 and so on and so on. It is the life lived to the fullest.
Compared to my December last year – where I was in the pits and in hella debt – it’s much better. It’s amazing what a little attitude adjustment (and lots of pills) can do for a laddie.
BEING SINGLE
Half of me wants to find a nice, hip, curvy young lady and settle down. The other half wants to take that peroxide blonde with the fake tan and do raunchy one-night-stand things to her (mainly: No cuddling). The more realistic part of me is quite happy being single and not worrying about impressing anyone, myself included.
Recent evidence has pointed in directions that seem to indicate that getting a girlfriend immediately turns you into a pompous, slavering idiot. I’m afraid the same would happen to me: that I would constantly blog about how incredible she is and never shut up about her and – like I did a long time ago – forsake my friends for their sole companionship.
My buddy Paul seems to have the balance right in terms of girlfriend time and friend time. Then again, he doesn’t have a blog to fuck things up with, but he makes the best of it, laid back in terms of the solid relationship he’s got going on. Lucky bastard.
Dang it all I want to get laid. I don’t need to get laid, but it’s definitely a strong want.
Oh heck and dang yes I am out of here. It is late at night!
On to the general news, conveniently sectioned off into topics of mild interest.
WORK
Man, work gets me down. I know it’s a rough and tumble route to start a blog off on a complaining note, but here I am doing it anyway. It’s the only thing that’s really on my mind at this juncture. It just wears me out. I only work three days a week, and I’m grossly misusing the term “work”, as I spend most of it either messing around or figuring out where to go for lunch.
When I do hunker down for some work, I do it well enough. Much like the fast food side of things, it’s the other people that get me down. Contacting people for meetings is the hardest because people don’t answer the emails I send out and when I call them I always get the deep inner-feeling that I’m intruding on their lives. Kind of like overstaying my welcome or something. Also, their tone is that of snarkiness; understandable in our terrible economic times but also quite unwelcome. I’m just doing my job, I don’t need bitter jokes and observations sassed through the phone from people I don’t even know.
There was a brief period where I was looking for a second job to supplement my income, but as with a lot of things, situations change and I’ve put that on hold for a little while. I probably will get another one in February, once the dust of the holidays and other things settles down just a touch. It won’t be anything interesting – fast food or whatever – and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m definitely liking the slacker lifestyle these days.
CHRISTMAS
I’ve decided to make December a disgustingly busy time for social obligations. Obligations is a rough word for it, because it makes it seem like I don’t want to do these things, but in all honesty I am pumped. I’ve been messaging a lot of people, getting dates sorted out, figuring out the varied things I want to do, and forging ahead. It’s the season for friendship and being together so I’m going to push it as far and as hard as it can go.
My pride for this is that I’ve actually got a calendar – a full December photocopied from work. I have things pencilled in, penned in, and it’s a great little organizer. It’s getting quite crammed and somewhat baffling, but it’s a strong way of visualizing everything I have to do.
Things officially kick off this Saturday. Going to the movies with Mr. Lewis. We’re gonna be straight up rude and sneak into multiple features. I haven’t seen him in a while so I’m quite pumped for it. Other things on the list include Boxing Day shopping, a “Nerdfest” with some of the more anime-inclined from high school, Monaghan’s Wings, Goldeneye on N64 and so on and so on. It is the life lived to the fullest.
Compared to my December last year – where I was in the pits and in hella debt – it’s much better. It’s amazing what a little attitude adjustment (and lots of pills) can do for a laddie.
BEING SINGLE
Half of me wants to find a nice, hip, curvy young lady and settle down. The other half wants to take that peroxide blonde with the fake tan and do raunchy one-night-stand things to her (mainly: No cuddling). The more realistic part of me is quite happy being single and not worrying about impressing anyone, myself included.
Recent evidence has pointed in directions that seem to indicate that getting a girlfriend immediately turns you into a pompous, slavering idiot. I’m afraid the same would happen to me: that I would constantly blog about how incredible she is and never shut up about her and – like I did a long time ago – forsake my friends for their sole companionship.
My buddy Paul seems to have the balance right in terms of girlfriend time and friend time. Then again, he doesn’t have a blog to fuck things up with, but he makes the best of it, laid back in terms of the solid relationship he’s got going on. Lucky bastard.
Dang it all I want to get laid. I don’t need to get laid, but it’s definitely a strong want.
Oh heck and dang yes I am out of here. It is late at night!
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